hello.

feels strange

kinda odd.

its been really long.

i need a space.

a space. not a 3d one.

maybe a 2d one.

virtual.. possibly.

i miss writing.

but theres no time?

i need better management definitely..

ok. i ought to do this.

i've been making random unwritten ones..

purely in the mind.. which often get lost in the busy-ness.

yes yes i know. its already february. but that shouldn't be a deciding factor.

so here goes..

in 2010. I WANT TO..

..walk closer with God, rely on Him, Believe in Him, have FAITH, be disciplined and make daily devotions and prayers a habit. i want to make time for Him.

..be self disciplined. no loitering around doing nothing. no facebooking. max 30min. no stoning/slacking/not doing anything productive.

..be focussed. do what ought to be done systematically.

..have better time management. keeping to the timings. be punctual. not be last minute.

..protect body. sleep. rest. care for my health and not neglect it. especially my eye. sleep. rest. i cannot stress the importance because my body is the temple of God.

..keep a healthy lifestyle. have a healthier weight. exercise.

2010.21st.2ndyear.2010.

frequently asked questions about chrl`x in early 2008

haha. yes. to ans all queries bout me this year... so far.
seriously... its the same question i get...
not in order of frequency tho.

1. update leh. so long nv update liao...
hahaha. yes yes. nv update dats y im doing this now.

2. y nv update? v bz ar?
ehh... coz i decided to have a written diary.. so my blog is collecting dust. plus im kinda erm... bz. hehe. not really..

3. oh? so ure working now? working as?
yeah... i m working. ive got like erm... 4 jobs as of today. hmm...
1. conversational chinese teacher in various sec n pri schs. ok. yes stop giving me that look. i know. chinese of all things right. look. the thing is.... im teaching non chinese conversational chinese. basic chinese.. like ni hao ma. yea. so thats quite ez. plus i can speak chinese okaayyy.... i juz cant do chinese. hehx.
2. tuition teacher. teaching maths sciences. got a few la. pri 1 eng maths, pri 5 eng sci, supposedly 2 sec 4 chem amaths emaths n 1 jc2 h2 maths. but... ehh. hmmm.
3. facilitator. for high achievers. going to various schools doing facilitation.. engaging the class.. doing some kinda saikang work.
4. admin-ish kinda work. as n when i can. haha..

4. so r u having fun working?
yeahh. generally i enjoy what im doing right now. it allows me to chat with ppl. which i enjoy alot. tho some classes may be... erm. hard to handle.. but well.. still theres the joys of it.

5. so hows ur pay?
ehh.... diff ones diff pay. plus i guess its not v nice to publicly announce it to everyone. haha..

6. then what happened to ur blog shop?
hmmm. good question.. i guess i kinda neglected it after feeling kinda dejected from the lack of sales / response. hahax. but i still enjoy making stuff.. if u want.. u can ask me personally. yeah.

7. A level results out liao right... how did u do?
not awesome. but not horrible. ahha. i must say im satisfied.. i cant say im superbly happy.. coz thats not true... but im sufficiently happy.

8. oh! so what are u gonna choose? which sch r u planning to go?
ermm. right now im kinda reconsidering. haha. but i know... im choosing nus only. ntu too far la. smu... really not interested in the courses they offer. what more its more ex. haha... tho i muz say their campus is really nice.

9. so r u gonna stay in the hostel?
eh. dun think so la... tho it might b convinient.. but i got a direct bus to nus. yayyy. plus i prefer staying at home. home sweet home. learnt that. n its so gonna stick to me...

10. scholarships?
yea. applied. hoping for one. ahha... which scholarship i really cant remb.

11. you look different. issit?
yes yes. i do look different. thank you for noticing. pls embrace the change n stop saying im not me. or saying u dun recognise me anymore. or sth of that sorts. theres no way i can change it now. no undos in life. hehx.

12. so whats different about you? you look different but i cant see whats the difference. issit the hair?
ok yes. the hair is different. cut fringe. short hair. much shorter than usual. but thats not the thing which is different. its my jaw.

13. huh? so what about your jaw? got diff meh? (or mayb even.. u look diff meh? u look the same to me what.)
erm... in case u haven noticed... i do look diff. coz i went for a jaw surgery to correct my bite / jaw alignment. my lower jaw was actually longer... n then so i went for a op to correct it... n now my jaw is normal like urs.. where the upper is longer than the bottom which is correct.

14. huh... sounds complicated. so what did the doc do?
to cut the whole story short n make things less scary sounding.. basically.. for the op... i was on ga. then he cut my lower jaw bone. shifted it backwards using metal plates n screws. cut the upper jaw n moved it outwards. then tied my 2 jaws together.

15. huh?! then got scar not? *looks at the left n right side of my face for any evidence of stitching/scars*
eh. no. no scars. no stitching. all the cutting stuff was done internally. they cut it from inside.

16. what? how did they do that???
well im not too sure.. used sth to hold my mouth wide open? sth like that la.

17. huh?!?! the whole things sounds painful. did it hurt?
well.. thing is.. contrary to what many would think... it seriously didnt hurt. i guess its God's awesome healing. or u can believe its... the "large dosage" of medicine the doc gave me. (inverted commars coz.. well. i wasnt given alot of medicine / painkillers. plus.. i didnt even eat alot of it or actually needed it. so take ur pick. i believe its He must have took my pain away) anywayy... so yes it didnt hurt. juz very uncomfortable on the 1st day... plus couldnt sleep well.. which i guess caused the headaches i get in the morning.. but after taking 1st course of panadols n antibiotics of the day.. it didnt hurt.

18. ur jaw was tied up... u did a jaw op... so how did u eat?
well. i didnt eat. ahhaa.. 1st day after op in hospital was on drip. after that.. i survived on 2 full weeks of pure liquid diet - ensure. its this super concentrated "milk" supplement filled with ALOT of vitamins n nutrients as my meal subst. its super sweet n comes in 3 flavours. strawberry, choc n vanilla. once again.. contrary to what many believe.. choc tastes horrible. the worst. the ready made ones in the tin is erhhh. ew. vanilla was the nicest. but for the powder ones which u make by urself.. ive got strawberry.. n it tastes awesome! fabulous. i dun mind taking more of that. hahaha...
then i started eating porridge stuff after that gradually... small appetite 1st.. n sweet stuff become tasteless.. n the salty ones.. erm. super extremely salty to me at least. hahaha...

19. then did u lose alot of weight? or.. u looked like u lost weight.
YES! hahaa. (but i dunno bout now. hehex) i dunno how much i lost actually coz the weighing machines have been giving me weird weights. ahhahaha. but i definitely did coz my clothes seem kinda baggy. lol.

20. so r u happy with the result of the op?
yea. of coz. i mean... my parents paid for it. cant not rightt. hahaa.. but well. to me i m really happy for the results my Lord blessed me with. yup.
plus im able to start eating solid food quite fast. n everything is back to normal now. yeah.


haha. so dats bout it i guess.

recollections of 2007.

Happy New Year! Its two thousand eight! 2008.



i cant believe it. another year gone juz like that.

looking back... its been a hectic eventful year.

jc2. all that hustle n bustle bout the VERY BIG EXAM at the end of the year.. starting with the early block test 1. followed closely with block tests 2. n of coz the prelims. mock prelims.. n the many many tests in between. n before u know it...... its As. n not long... its the end of As. wow.

jc2. the year which u find urself with lots of work, lots of tests, lots of studying sessions... but much less sleep n rest. ahhaha..

studying sessions.. a time u get to go out n have fun studying. somehow. wonders happen when u study with frens.. coz the time studying become precious memories.. no looking back thinking how it was so lonely n tiring studying... but all the funny moments laughing together while studying. these sessions also become exploration time. where u go to a variety of places ranging from woodlands library to bishan library to the neighbourhood macs or even the odd tables in frens' homes or right in town. haha..

sfc. started off with easter. dancing for the Lord. ushering with a smile for life concert. n not forgeting the hard work behind all the artifacts, planning. not long.. was the news of the sfc camp committee. log. logistics. raaahh. cracking my head designing.. then ordering.. n then buying all the stuff n also the mid camp crises. was an experience. then there was many many many SFC OUTINGS! yay! n the sad occassion of stepping down n farewell bbq. sob sob.

special events of the year:
Valentine's! hahaa. i still remb the gifts okay.^^
tremor... evacuating the building. haha. very interesting.
Dance! for chapel
Life Concert
SFC camp. tho draining being comm... but theres the satisfaction. n the love for God. ^^
famine camp. 30 hours plus without food.
MY BIRTHDAY! haha. n the surprise failed n accomplished. lol
coincidental lunch outing with 1a/2a classmates!
cedar! phototaking at national stadium.
olympic dream. n the 30 laps i accomplish. wahaha..
learning festival. i lovee kickboxing! ^^
mind cafe. awesome fun playing ^^
swimming! ahhaa.. girls day out. with mugging.. wonder how we accomplished that. lol.
farewell assembly. sob sob. graduated. boohoo.
As.
fun fun n more fun.
shopping. pool. movie.
interview for job...
scrapbook making.
mini prom buffet dinner! haha..
SFC farewell. sobs..
working...
gatherings... 6a, 4p
autologous blood transfusion. donating blood... hmm.
tuition. scary at 1st... but overcomed after saying hi. ahahha..
movie marathon!
christmas fun...
cousin's ROM.
sfc reunion steamboat
last dinner of the year...

of coz... all that wouldnt have been without the company of FRIENDS! yay! ^^
cant say how much u all mean to me but... i'll summarise by saying.. u rock! hahaha..

THANK GOD for blessing me in 2007 with such wonderful memories... ^^

sfc camp thanksgiving

im lazy to do thanksgiving for camp. bahh... ok i'll juz do the most impt ones..

first n foremost. the one which we couldnt do the camp without.. our Almighty Father above.
thanks for being right there with us all the time n overlooking us. protecting us from all harm. thank you for juz lending ur strength to each and everyone of us who were weak at 1 point or another. without u.. this camp would have been meaningless. coz it was for us to know u. so all glory goes to u~!

next. the teachers.
thanks for bearing with our troublesome requests. esp me asking for gym keys like now n again. interupting meals n breaks n conversations. n of coz for supporting us thru the camp.

next. camp comm!
for supporting one another throughout the camp n b4 as well. the times we spent planning n dry run was fun. learnt much from each of u. esp great of u guys for giving all the love n care during camp when i broke down. thanks a million.

last but not the least. everyone who went for the camp.
for juz ur presence. for being enthusiastic. without u in the camp.. wads the point of it! so thanks for being there to take part in the activities planned and giving us the joy that our hardwork wasnt put to waste.

dun think i miss out anyone.

well im glad that the camp went thru well n all's done other than evaluation. ah.

sfc camp 2007

oh man tired! though i already slept alot to catch up on sleep.. but still. tired. look at my eyebags! ahhh. ugly ugly ugly! save me! *pouts* oh well. God will take care of it.. i pray for nice eyes again! ^^ haha. i shd refrain from being vain.

on a side note.. dvd says im super high

anyway.. its june! today is 1st of june! how fast!!! ^^ yay. juneeeee.

so camp was over. n i kinda died. with 5 hours of sleep on 1st night n 1.5 hours on 2nd nite. but i reached home n i slept in the afternoon for 3 hours n 13 hours at nite. hmm. but dun seem to be helping.. mayb i need to get back to routine or sth..

anyway camp. was awesome! 3 days. but not enough leh! i wanna have more sessions n games. learning more n juz dwelling in His presence. n with my BIG FAMILY! sfc! we rock!

lets start with sessions.
listening effectively. learnt quite abit.. like deciphering the voices.. n how to listen to His voice of coz. the still small voice. i guess ive got too noisy a mind n soul. muz really quieten down. i cant really take too much silence.. ahh. but if i wanna hear Him i have to do so.. alright! so its time i train myself!
praying effectively. this one was great. overwhelming. esp during praise n worship n prayer at the end.. i think almost all of us went up.. i duno how to describe the experience.. but im sure its the beginning of sth. i'll continue to pray n believe in much more faith. discussion was really a time where i felt my some of my burdens lifted away from me. shows me how much i need to repent n how its good for my soul.
spiritual gifts. wasnt there for the whole session coz had econs lecture in between. but i think ive yet to find my gift yet.
girl/guy matters. didnt learn much from that. coz kinda basic commen sense. we noe how to dress. guys i dunno wad happened but they said like quite duh.

workshops!
listening effectively. wasnt there but heard it was real fun. n good.
endurance. was kinda tough. didnt try though. but looked really tiring.. i commend those who perservered. n i learnt sth. i make a bad 'devil'. they said i was obviously smiling. bah. but its good on the other hand.. means im a good girl! haha..
humility. was prepared but not done. boohoo. but the flour + water mixture created by drlc wasnt wasted.. hehx.
monopoly. was kinda sian for me coz i was jail warden.. but it was nice to tour around. n b a onlooker..
but i thot workshops was a lil wasted.. coz they all know their lessons already! cannot trick them or anything. wonder if they learnt from the worshops..
for me i did. coz i learnt during the dry runs n planning.. we did lots of brainstorming on whether it'll work out or it suited the lessons. which i gained much from the discussions..

games!
ice breakers. double whacko. i feel safe with jnnk! shes like calm n composed.. unlike ln who screams only. haha. was interesting... macaroni game was fun! n i got bought into another kingdom *pouts* but i made myself slave again to return to GAP! ^^
wet games. was in charge of body parts with drlc. was kinda yucky. the flour mixture. dirtied their clothes la.. all the dried up flour.. minesweeper seemed fast. dunno wasnt there. sponge game looked hilarious with all of them with sponges on their heads.. cat fight was amusing! our soaped canvas wasnt in vain. the soap mixture with drlc's feet. hehx.
candle game. had some trouble. in the end we still played. wonder if they enjoyed... i remb having much fun in that game last year.. too bad no time for them to complete the whole game.
dry games. 3 way captain ball. messy as ever.. haha.. dog n bone/fear factor. funny! their reactions! shd have video-ed it down.. esp when cryss ate the fav oreo. both at 1 shot.. n then. poof! wasabi! haa. n cocoa powder was equally funny. but kinda scary coz they like choked.
sardines. i juz patrolled around. so nth to say.
night activity. persecution. starting seemed failed. but in the end. seems kinda hiong. quite a few broke down. n the torture chamber was. scarrrryyyy.

i love my mortal. shes so cute. her reaction when i said my mortal was super classic.

other than all those fun part.. of coz there were the stressful parts where i had to control my emotions. kept myself awake thru the nite for evaluations. n breaking down completely. but really thank GOD for juz seeing me thru all those. giving me friends who supported me. juz that sentence of 'r u ok?' was good enough.
the worst part was of coz the part where i broke down completely. being log head really stressed me out.. even juz the start of the camp.. rchlkoh saw thru n said.. 'r u stressed with log?' 2nd nite was when it all came down on me.. someone was injured n needed a 1st aid kit. n we didnt prepare one.. n it didnt help when my partner havent been doing stuff/taking initiative. i had to remind him or sth i dunno. not sure. n when they needed the 1st aid kit.. he wasnt there. so i had to bear the "consequences/burden". it juz worsened when they asked so.. the persecution game.. we r using.. i was like. stirrers! oh no! they r in the gym?! wad. ahhhhhhhhh. then they were like. so u left it at the sajc side la. [we were in the diocese/other side of the sav. n the bridge locked] i was like. ok. i'll check with my partner. so i walked off towards the dorm. knowing obviously there werent any. dunno wad to substitute. thank God that dvd came along. coz i juz cried. n then everything a whirl. i remb going to the toilet n falling to the floor n crying n encz praying for me n taking teeshirts from dorm n passing sth for some angel to some mortal n sitting at the steps. totally lost it la. n many saw. kinda paiseh but touched too. esp ant she said 'seeing u sad unlike ur normal cheerful self i feel so sad too' almost cried again. but that would have been dumb. plus with everyone there. haha. no.
learnt alot but learnt in a bad way from that painful lesson.

friends

oh on a side note.. i saw tsh's blog today. n i saw my name in caps. lol! no thats not the point. she was saying sth bout our 11 year friendship that we have.. amazing. oh yes.. n that makes me feel kinda old too..

back to the point.. its really cool to still keep in contact with pri sch friends.. n even meet up.. n r so close still.. we can like dun talk to each other for like half a year.. n then when we meet up.. we can juz talk for ages n still feel like the bestest friends we had in our lifetime. like we have never ever parted.. still as close as before..

n i met louilee on train today.. one of my hws friends.. n we chatted about pri sch.. i feel quite sad that she no longer contacts any of her pri sch friends..

but i realised she aint the only one.. theres many who have lost contacts with their friends.. be it pri sch or sec sch.. or even 1st 3 months..

i feel sad for those who have lost contact.. coz u only narrow ur circle of friends n u miss out on the wondeful feeling that.. u have a friend who has been beside u for so long.. juz quietly supporting u in everything u do.. even if she/he doesnt know what uve been up to..

well i think that friends are really important in life.. though many say family is more important coz they are the ones who wun leave u in times of need.. i still think friends are equally important.. mayb u'll say im simplistic or i haven experienced enough to c the true colours of friends.. but i still want to stand firm on my stand.. bcoz in the future.. when u look back on life.. its ur friends who give u this peaceful n heartwarming feeling when u reminisce together bout the times u had together.. doing the stupid things, going through the hardships, n of coz those happy times.. these experiences shared is something special between u n that particular friend. but of coz.. u have those with ur family members as well.

so my point is. i treasure all my friends. i like the fact that ure always there even if our friendship has gone stale.. its easy to rekindle that love for each other.. that link that we shared.. juz by looking back together.. having that nostalgic feeling [which doesnt really describe what i want to express totally].. n then we can look forward together or juz enjoy each other's presence. its juz this comforting feeling u get.

so to all my friends..
even though we get caught up in our lives.. too bz for one another.. dun meet up at all.. or dun talk for ages.. i still remember u. its juz being pushed out of my mind coz of the things in life muddling up my memory. though i may not say it.. but i do think n i do care bout how u r when u pop up in my mind.. n i seriously miss all of u.

its only term 2 week 3.. n its already getting tiring.. n everyone is weary.. i c y they say its a big jump from o levels to a levels.. sigh.

well.. its half a year to the actual a levels.. so lets fight on to the end..

but really.. its so demoralising with the long days we have.. n also.. the additional lessons n tests our teachers r giving.. from many long breaks.. we have many lessons? i really need some form of motivation n encouragement..

blocks werent all that fab to tell me.. "c ure not too bad.. u can work at the same amt u did.." wad its telling me instead is.. "u need to work harder than this" oh well. i cant do anything bout blocks now.. i'll have to look forward n try harder.. study more? not that i didnt.. but looking back.. i muz say.. i did put in the effort. the hours of studying.. but the concentration wasnt there.
i'll work at it.. but remb dun fall again.. dun run out. can someone teach me how to not work too hard? lol how contradicting. *shrugs* i guess life's like dat some times..

seriously.. the extra lessons r pulling my spirits down.. i look at my timetable.. think of the sch day.. n i juz sigh.
ahhhhhhhh. i cant b like this. in times like this.. i really muz b leaning on God's strength, hope n power. this i really muz work on..

hie all!!! no im not MIA. im juz BIA [bz in action ^^]

there was...
CNY eve. where i spent the whole day sweeping n mopping the whole house. im proud of myself ^^ yay!
chu yi-1. bai nian-ing. visiting my dad's side.. n then my mum's.. collecting ang baos n catching up with cousins..
chu er-2. spent the day doing our properous CNY hw given by our dearest teachers......
chu san-3. visited aunt's house. chatted loads w mldlee n showed her the dance i was learning...
chu si-4. back to sch. w 20 min jog to burn fats [from CNY goodies] for pe.. sfc min time n easter dance which is fun n yet draining.. returning home at 2100+
chu wu-5. more sch. dental.. ive upgraded to putting elastic bands.. dance prac was satisfying! we almost finished.. left a lil portion in the instrumental part! yay.. returned at 2200. n continued mugging for econs which i squeeezzeeed time in between breaks to study.
chu liu-6. some more sch. w econs test n the current affairs quiz which i nv ever do well in.. haha... sfc! easter week prep. prayer meet. n fellowship! fei-lou-ship. hehehe.. at ps.. returning home at 2200 again?
chu qi-7. finally! i can rest n sleep. sat is my sleep-catch-up-day plus clean-my-room-day.
chu ba-8. buffet at intercontinental w aunt's family where we ate lots n chatted =)

today its already chu jiu-9. n sch again... ipu. argh.





many things have happened.. n im so caught up in it..
sigh.. i really dun want to b juz so caught up in the world dat i live in.. bz running around doing errands.. but life is like that.. aint it?
well.. sfc has really made me think twicelots.. so wad do i want in my life? wads my purpose in life?

1st week only.

7 days into the year.. n i haven said a single thing here..

happy new year! hahx. abit late.. hmm well 2007 is here.. new year resolutions set.

1. disciplined in my spiritual life n grow deeper in love with Him
2. work hard study hard for a levels = no procrastination n doing tutorials
3. keep fit. = able to do ipu. reg exercises.

well 'o7 will b a bz happening? year.. there'll b the As staring in my face, dentals n the op? n i'll reach one of the stages of life

the 1st week of sch has been rather hectic with not only school work n also sfc stuff like chapel n the jc1 envisioning thing.. n ermm.. the weekend has been a lil mad with me doing 4 maths papers.. n i completed them! yay! thank GOD!! for helping me thru..

oh. did i not mention.. jc 2 is so unlike other years in the education system.. usual 1st day of sch is a rather nothing day.. with no lessons n us asking for intro sessions.. but.. no.. jc 2 u start lessons! ok.. mayb only in sa.. coz other schs like bz with orientation.. for sa only sc in charge. hahx. anyway putting all my complains aside.. n back to the 1st day. the 1st thing mentioned by the higher ups was.. A levels.. each lesson began with.. let us overlook the year.. in this month....... or jc 2 is not a time to slack.... n the likes..
waahhhhhh.. overload of stressing from teachers.. ended up on me going home being overly stressed n depressed.

anyway.. i gtg back to finish my work. [1st weekend.. imagine the rest...]

draining week of 0700 - 1800.

someone commented dat my blog was dead.. haha.. yes.. so true.. but i dunno wad to update.. life is getting so very very mudane n routine.. even funny incidents dun feel dat funny. its rather numbed.. hmm.. muz b the promos getting into me..

anyways.. if u read the prev n3.. u would noe my week.. but its worst then dat.. it was ultimately draining.. its like in sch for 11 hours. from mon to thurs. actually today also supposed to.. but. i couldnt take it anymore.. yesterday i had 'half a sore eye' dunno wads dat supposed to b.. but yes.. it was half only. funny la.. it was like red.. not sore.. only when i reached home.. yeah. then it was worst.. tried to nap.. but eh. failed attempt.. juz lay on my bed resting.. then studied for my phy n chem test.. till 12. resulting in waking up looking at the myself with really puffy eyes with dark rings n both eyes red. i looked horrible.. haha.. so i left after phy makeup.. didnt stay for sfc studying. im so glad i didnt.. coz i reached home at 4!! omg so early. lol. i meant comparing to the rest of the week i reached home at ard 7 or later.. so yeah.. its kinda good for me. slept for 3 whole hours..

glad dat the week is over. but on another note. no. haha.. coz mon would b the start of promos.. or shd i juz say its gp.. coz after dat got 1 whole week free.. b4 starting again on tues. hmmm..

oh n i saw jnhng again.. butttt. he dao-ed me this time. boo. i smiled to him la.. but he no reaction.. haix. i think coz the other time i dao-ed him. oh welll..

n erm.. dunno whether this is a happy or sad thing.. but erm.. i chanced upon this song - i want you by savage garden. brought back so many happy yet sad memories.. coz its one of the fun vj mass dances missd it so.. wanted to do the dance.. but eh. hmm.. as if i can remb like dat. haha.. sighh. stop thinking bout vj la. dumbo.

make-ups tests more make-ups n tests. though its 10 days away.

promos r coming.. so everyone is getting stressed out.. or trying to focus? n same for all other ppl having exams..

blogs filled with im going on a hiatus but still blogging/online. sucha irony.. others say man. im so stressed out. blah blah. hate this hate dat. n there r also those who cant seem to feel the urgency n trying hard to focus n study hard.

dunno y but its always this period of time i look forward to so much.. its the time when u noe the year is ending n after the period of stress u get to juz feel so relieved n great.. coz u get to go out. chiong wadeva u wanted to do so much. to juz play thru the night.. n enjoy urself without any worries..

its also the time when ppl study so hard like they've never done b4.. to reach their targets.. n its the time when i would get out of home to study with frens.. its a wonder how studying becomes part of my unforgetable memories n so cherished.. i mean its like.. u get fun while u study in groups.. coz u have company.. together u go thru the toil n agony. in the end its all worth it.. coz u c the results n u can look back on the time u shared suffering together.

hmm.. wonder y i get such weird perspectives.. y im always optimistic.. though actually im kinda stressed out n dying inside.. muz b the Lord's work in me. the everlasting peace n joy. v^^v. yay.

anywayyyy.. i didnt mean for a meaningful n encouraging n3 for ppl to wah. i shd study harder.. but i wanted to say.. next week is sucha dreaded week! haaa.. yesh. next week. i'll b super overworked. juz like wad mchlchin n me were chatting about yest. we dun work 9 to 5 okay. we work from 7 to 6! n to think theres like labour exploitation. wad bout us? haaa.
ok.. off track. yes next week.
mon norm sch till 1345. econs make up 1415 to 1615. gp compo mock 1630 to 1800. [tues we already had sucha dosage. n i really went brain dead. n now again]
tues norm sch till 1545. im glad theres no make up or so i remb. but theres maths lecture test dat day.
wed norm sch till 1415. n theres maths class test on integration. econs make up lecture 330 to 1700. [dies onces again]
thurs norm sch till 1445. phy spa. phy make up tutorial 2 hours most prob 1700 again. [can bring sleeping bag n camp overnite le..]
fri norm sch till 1245. chem class test on thermo after sch. wah seh. then stay for 'sfc study camp'!? okay i doubt not.. i'll be exhausted by then.

look at dat la.. dats like the week b4 gp promos.. n makeups crammed up with tests. n they want us to study. yeah. like after 12 hours of sch by the time i reach home im deadbeat. thanks la.

so im left with 10 days to gp. n a week after dat to chem n the rest.

wadeva it is.. im sure He'll give me the strength..

oh btw.. i hear ppl playing mahjong. i think. its distracting.. n so is this com. n pw is giving me a reason to turn it on which makes it worst. bah.

today aint a good day.

woke up a bit too early. lol. out of point.. but as in i could have slept more. then dunno y like tired tired de.. then cannot really balance as i walked to the toilet.. i thot oh.. mayb coz a bit groggy.. too tired..

but nope i was wrong la.. is like seriously dunno y like lightheaded like dat.. then cannot balance.. can sometimes walk le then dunno y not walking straight.. then keep feeling like falling like dat.. then sometimes like got flashes of black.. n doing norm stuff like bending down to take milk out of fridge. stand up again i woah. off balance again.. n juz blinking a bit then lose direction.

i thot aiyah nvm la shd b juz a lil dizzy. dun care.. juz go sch.. shdnt have la. today the longest day somemore.. oh well.

assem wasnt really listening.. was more of concentrating on standing. telling myself to not faint.

then 1st lesson maths was like really.. wah.. cannot absorb.. when ppl talk like make me very fan n luan like dat.. n lying down on the table i could almost juz black out anytime. 1st time ok. no matter how hard i try to sleep during lessons i nv can.. dunno y. unless im like super sleepy then a bit of nodding.. but i wasnt sleepy at all.. i was juz whirling n couldnt concentrate.. abit cannot balance like dat.. even on the table i felt piao piao de. haha.

but after dat i was like ok la. or at least i said i was n though i wasnt really. only after break then i was norm.

sometimes i wonder.. y do i always act jian qiang?.. i could go home n rest.. y do i act like im strong when im weak? y pretend its nothing when actually it matters to u?

i remb reading sth dat said sth like "those dat pretend to b strong outside r actually weak inside" which i think its very true.

other than me feeling unwell.. there was dat bad news which reminded me of sth which happened b4.. n a very dry day of lessons. n a bad scolding during gp. sigh.

but i was kinda high after sch ended.. haha.. nwl said mayb to make up dat i was low this morn. hmm..

realised my past n3s r rather sad? mayb im an emo gurl. actually i agree with dat prev statement.. im emo. n i think alot..

i muz have been thinking more lately.. n putting down wad i thot more often then in the past.. dats y ive got more thinking reflecting posts. haha.. juz like this one.. hehx..

anyway.. i think to prevent ppl from worrying n myself from using the com.. i shd do more work n occupy my time so i wun think.. yups.. n then it'll b 3 in 1! yay. less com time. more work done. less ppl worrying. since anyway its the mugging season.. n the jam packed time.. oh wells.

hope u'll c less posts. haha..

btw if u c me online eh.. ask me to go do my work.. lol.

hmm... realised my blog is getting rather boring.. mudane. unlike ppls' with interesting quotes/inspiring notes or weird pics. haha.

mayb its coz my life is mudane. nothing interesting.. no one really inspires me. hmm..

currently my life is kinda messed up. erh.. mayb i mean emotionally la.. haix..

i noe i HAVE to like study. work hard. do my work. but i cant get myself to do so.. each time i study.. i'll think.. aiyah.. wanna play. or go online.. c whether someone is online.. but each time someone online.. i wun chat. i'll juz feel frustrated. bahhh..

its too confusing.

i so agree dat love hurts

great. the 2 blogs dat i enjoy reading the most have decided to go on hiatus! yes! u! tian n annaling! bahh. update la. dun hiatus. dun pang seh me in the blogging world.. haha.. anyways hope u 2 will revive ur norm cheerful positive self n blog. haha. n once again im isolated from u 2. n bacy has been like postponed for dunno how long. boo. i miss going out with u ppl.

anyway.. i toked to tian on sat. hmm.. our convo struck me. we 2 r actually rather diff ppl. how issit dat we survived? hmm..
n she said sth bout my blogging style.. bout using initials for names. the distant-ness of it. i read pass n3s to c. n hmm.. dats true. but i dun think its nice typing ppl's name out in the www without them noe-ing or their permission.. then bout the dots thing.. erm.. its become a habit.. cant stop dot-ing. haha.. n actually i dot is coz im thinking.. or dragging the word.. or like ermm.. its replacement of a commar. lol. ok doesnt make sense.. but without the dots it wouldnt be like my n3s anymore.. it'll b juz like the rest. probably so.. r the dots really distracting?? i seriously dun agree la. haa..

another thing dat struck me was the convo with mchlchin on fri. wad she said was extremely true.. dat im kinda blunt n insensitive.. i dunno y. but i did notice dat in jc i became kinda too open n expressive with my thots.. or mayb it was all along so since sec 4. i dun remb being so in pri sch or sec 1 2 n 3. i remb being a really quiet gurl who kept everything to myself. i didnt make my thots open to be known.
n now pondering bout it.. it hurts to noe the sensitive side of me kinda disappearred.. n now im a blunt person who gives hurting remarks. this really shows how ur frens affect u. ok.. im not meaning dat my frens r blunt.. but i meant my closest sec 4 frens r really frank. n they'll say wads on their mind.. i guess somehow or another im affected by it. yup. n i changed.
im so sorry to those ive hurt with my insensitive remarks or sarcasm or wadeva i did. sorry.

i'll change. i'll b more sensitive to others' feelings.. i noe i will n i can. esp with God.

the rest of my packed week.

bahhhhhh.. i juz realised.. SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG WITH MY INTERNET EXPLORER!!! i cant c new posts on blogs! even my own!!! helppp.. i c like lagging posts. of 7 july. bahhh.. n i thot y aint noone updating. how great ar...... someone who noes how to solve this prob TAG ME!!!

okay. its frustrating me.. n now i feel so laggy. bahh.. i feel unconnected to my frens who r out of reach in my daily sch life now!! bahhhh.. oh well.. i muz thank God dat i still have all ur no. so i can call u all up if i feel laggy.. n dat my bro got firefox!! it was to actually solve the prob of unable to log into frenster.. now. erh to c the UPDATED posts. great.. n im too used to IE.

anyway.. as i have said.. im packed.. im so glad its kinda all over.. phew.. so yes. wed wad did i have.. ohh.. yes.. sfc. it was so fun.. i mean we had a extremely meaningful ministry time.. n interacting with my dearest cell group.. it was great.

thurs.. supposedly end late.. but im so glad for the awarded half day.. coz of gold for rugby n bowling boys. was supposed to do after sch.. service learning aka fund raising aka selling of mai ya tang n marshmellow with choc syrup n handphone straps for children's society.. but luckily there was half day.. n my teacher was not in sch.. so yup.. sold the stuff during sch time.. managed to like drag all the sfc ppl to buy from us.. yay! they rock. haha.. seriously.. i think my cca ppl r juz so nice!!! they so willingly buy from us the food..

oh n the great thing bout the half day was i went home to rest myself.. all tired out.. n im tired out once again today.. anyway.. i was having this SORE SORE throat.. but my voice was fine.. n then when i reached home.. i was so tired.. n fell asleep.. woke up n. omg! i have a fever!!!!! i was like ahhhhh.. y at this point of time?!??!!?! n it was like 38 degrees celcius la.. i was like.. NOOOOOOO.. i wanna go sch tmr. [y the sudden enthu-ness u'll noe later] anyway.. there was like nth i could do.. except PRAY. n so i did.. n i guess mchlchin did pray for me too.. coz i msg her i got fever. hehx. oh n i hated pills.. coz i duno how to swallow. hee. till this age n time. hahaa.. n miraculously i was HEALED in the name of JESUS! yay. love Him to bits n pieces.

fri. oh yes i did go to sch.. it was RHD. man. this were the times i really extremely missed cedar.. all the fun we had.. how we would go mad. cam-whore-ing as wad wyt n anl would say.. n how the teachers wouldnt bear to have lessons.. ahha... n then we juz enjoy the sch day with fun n joy. running ard sch in our beautiful ethnic costumes trying our best to not trip n fall in the heels.. or coz of the extra weight n length of the ethnic costumes. taking all the crazy weird pics with frens class n teachers! oh well.. i muz say the concert was not bad.. with the jokes dat reminded me of wad we did on wed. [i didnt mention! haha.. we played games after all the serious stuff.. n there was forfeit. to go up to joel n ask for his no. n tim1 suggested dat billy had to say to him.. my name is jin wan but u can call me tonite! lol.] the rest of the concert was ok la..

after sch went down to spd for my final attachment.. taught them boccia in prep for today.. lol. so last min.. but hey. they did well la.. so it was rather sad.. the last time.. but i muz say.. i dun feel dat kinda attachment to them as i did to the old folks the other time..

then rush back to sch for j2s farewell!!!! omg so sad.. though i aint very close to them.. but i'll miss them.. they were such nice sweet loving caring [insert any nice descriptive word. haa] seniors! helped to deco the place with the balloons.. n then we welcomed them in.. in our 'grand' manner.. haha.. n when we entered they cheered for us too.. so cute la. lol. then we ate our dinner.. n we served the j2s n teachers n mentors. food utencils napkins drinks dessert. wahhaa.. we r nice juniors. =)
then we had praise n worship.. so peaceful... only the sounds of our singing in the quiet evening..
n our surprise! [we tricked them into thinking there was water games by asking them to bring extra set of clothes] lol. it was juz we washing their feets.. juz like wad JC did. it was supposedly only j1 was j2. in the end.. they did dat to us too.. felt kinda paiseh. but. hey. our seniors r such wonderful ppl.. they wun let us do it 1 way. it was 2 ways.. n of coz the teachers were included..
after dat was juz giving out their pressie.. n clearing up.. n us enjoying the fun of taking photos! lol.

today. oh great! how bz. but its so heart warming.. so anyway.. went down to sp.. n then morn was kinda slack for sjy n me.. coz beneficiaries not there yet.. but after dat was juz hectic. running ard.. i shall spare u the details.. n summarize it.. basically once they came.. bahhh! had to bring them ard.. get the right size for their clothes. get their food. some had to b fed. then some time to enjoy the 'open' ceremony [there was already a mini concert b4 dat with cheeyang performing. argh. after hearing from com. felt frustrated for them] anyway. the ceremony we gave the beneficiaries medals!!! oh my!!! so nice! i also want!! oh well.. wad to do.. anyway.. then was the boccia game... which was a bit luan at 1st.. but it was a success. then bring them ard the stalls.. but nth much.. n the stalls mostly 'closed' le. as in the ppl also not welcoming u there.. was juz tired faces.. they could have smiled. but well.. i cant do anything bout it.. i remb last year lauch we managed to have a smile on till the end.. its not up to me anyway. so yes.. then finally they went back.. so relieving.. phew.. i could c they kinda enjoyed.. so yay.
then time for ourselves.. but sadly.. the stalls ar.. wah.. all close le.. then nth much.. n the pizza fuss. didnt wanna sell to us. hurmph. wadeva it is la.. then we tried to use up the coupons.. decided aiya. wadeva la.. then sat down n juz chatted... lol. then lsr n sjy had to go.. we took our goodie bag filled with lime mag, shampoo n condition, bear, handphone cleaner. n i went off to join krnlim n avnn. managed to buy a ring! used up my 2 coupons for it.. haha.

after packing up krnlim's stall.. we went off for dinner.. at city hall ljs. n i felt my aching legs give way.. n the train didnt help by being so filled! n erm.. krnlim n me were like so dirty la.. im sure we were so stinky.. hee.. we sweated so much! sp is so hot.. no ventilation.. or mayb it was juz hot today.. oh n my expression after i left sp was juz tired written all over. lol. seriously i didnt really sit down at all la.. so glad i sat down in ljs. oh n avnn met her fren n i met melckm there.. so chiao.

so dat was my week for u. i think u reading it would feel tired too... lol. its so lengthy! haha.. congrats to those who made it here..

y u shdnt study for too long...

2 more days to freedom! bah.

phy n maths.. made me study like mad.. so afraid i had not enough time.. now realised ok la actually.. haha..

so yes.. was studying for very long periods of time for the past few days.. then last nite.. i was studying.. n then suddenly i realised my study lamp got brighter n brigher n got this funny sound.. then look at it.. got sparks! ahh. was about to switch it off when.. "boom" explosion! wah!! scary la.. but its like a small one then got like smoke coming out. bahh.. polluted my room.. went out coughing.. so quickly told my dad.. n luckily got extra study lamp.. then bring over.. but my room was polluted with chemical choking gas.. so ya.. nope no more studying then.

my dad says its like overloaded/overworked dats y like dat.. lamp spoilt. explosion. bahh.. kinda scary thot.. wad if i overstudied.. then me boom. haha.. rubbish. but in a way true.. cant overtire myself.. then i'll juz fall ill or insert other bad thing which can happen..

oh n according to my dad the lamp is older than me! hahaha.. so dats sth to reassure myself.. lol.

another reason y i shdnt study for so long.. is coz my radio will die on me juz like today.. had to study without music.. so tiring la.. n then the new lamp is not white light.. is yellow/orange light.. then make me sleepy.. n plus the really nice weather to sleep today.. ohh my.

kk enuff back to studying...

now dat the hols is here... ive got quite some time..

i look at the class blog i mean 06s53.. n i feel tears well up my eyes.. my heart breaks esp the newest n3.. i look at cosiety.. i feel the ache.. n the tears..

i realise how much i miss out.. the fun of vj.. my class.. more united.. the pics of those i miss.. the strong bonds they have formed.

sometimes i really wonder.. y do i go there then in the 1st place.. to juz make myself feel bad.. i can juz not go n not read n i'll live in today.. y muz i live in the past?

but i c the ans. its juz coz i miss my class.. i miss the sch which introduced me to jc life.. the frens who r there.. i still cant let go.. coz my love for them is still there.. gosh im so emo. bleah.

but of coz.. if i get a chance to go back to vj now.. i wun choose to.. coz i noe.. i belong to sa now.. ive got my new classmates.. the great frens there as well.. the love for my cca sfc is there... all the more so esp after the camp.. u can c it below.. the 'magnificent 7' though how bad they r.. they bring fun n laughter too.. the 17 gurls.. we 'create' the illusion of a gurls class.. bitching.. juz being gurls. we r a fun bunch..

do hope i'll b missed n we'll have a reunion. dun miss me out of the fun.. the outings..

sick yest. n gone to camp tmr.

sick yesterday.

but am well today! yay. it was great being sick.. as in i got a day off from sch.. ahha.. but erm waiting at the polyclinic was erm terrible.. as my dad puts it.. 'not sick also wait until sick' hahaha..

things bout being sick:
i get a day off from sch.
i miss out on wad is taught in sch.
i have to go c the doc.
i have to eat medicine. eeks.
i get to sleep alot.
i dun really actually sleep.
i m half asleep.
i dream alot.
i return to sch the next day n find out how loved i m. hee.. -dat sounds despo. haha.. but who cares.. its true =)

yeah.. so dats bout it.. had many many weird dreams.. like trying to stop someone from breaking into some place. n someone gao bai-ing to me. haa. n then running around alot. extremely weird sia.. haha.. oh well. i had dunno how many hours of half-sleep.

n going back today.. im stressed.. coz of gpp. bleah. at least this time im not staying up till 1am ahha..

ohh... im going for sfc camp tmr! ahh.. exciting but not really.. oh gosh how contradicting.. as in im not prepared la.. haha.. exciting coz its a camp! n its supposedly fun.. ahha.. i'll go with a open heart.. to receive sth.. hmm...
oh n im going back to vj again! for the band concert! n then can c all my classmates? yay. hope i do.. miss them alot..

b back on mon to update u guys on sfc camp!

my eyes n the minute no. of testimonials...

oh yay! its friday! oleyyy oley oley oleyyy. oleyyy.. oley. okay.. im kinda high.. coz its freaking friday!

i love fri.. coz its the end of the sch week.. no sch on sat! yea baby! wahahaha..

lets c.. this is sth i observed... as the week goes by... my eyes changes size.. hahx.. lemme describe.. on fri ... tonight! i get the best sleep of the week! yeahh.. n then i wake up afresh n really unwilling to wake up coz its really very nice to sleep.. anyway.. yes.. on sat my eyes r the biggest! most awake! unless i have to wake up early.. then sun a lil smaller coz muz wake up go church... then mon smaller... tues even smaller...... goes on.. then fri can hardly openn... omg tiring sia... oh.. n for pass 2 weeks.. thurs nite... i'll get sore eye.. i mean my eye hurts... continueing into the friday.. haix.. luckily fridays got only 2 lessons.. phy n gp tutorial..

okayy.. taking a break from schh...... ive got the final draft of pi left to finish! arghhh..

nvm.. saw this interesting thing at anl's blog.. decided to entertain myself by doing it.....

Go to ur page and list the first 15 people who havecommented you.If someone has commented twice, skip to the nextnew commenter.(only real people, not groups) (according to date)

The 15 latest testimonial :
1. jovina
2. kai
3. amelia
4. annaling
5. izzah
6. jion
7. - hong
8. kareen
9. jas
10. huiyi-
11. the yuntian
12. zhiyun
13. kioku
14. cindy
15. chow leng

have you ever hugged 1?
yet to do so...

what's the best memories you have of 10?
ehh.. my cute angel who likes doremon!

Are you friends with 9?
omg duh!!! shes my crappy mad twin!

When's the next time you're gonna see 6?
ermm.. i dunno! when we having og outing?!

Tell something juicy about number 15:
erm.. i cant thing of one..

What do you like about 8?
she sounds so damn sweeet!

Is number 4 attractive?
hahaha! liikeee duhhh.!

What was your first impression of 7?
eh. a crappy n smiley junior?

How did you meet 3?
in cedar! (=

Do you think 13 could kill someone?
she looks innocent.. but.... u nv noe.. hahhaha..

Is11 your friend?
omg! bacy la. she not my fren.. shes my best fren! haha

Have you seen 12 naked?
NO!!

Has number 4 seen you naked?
have u?? mayb almost ba.. haha

Have you ever kiss 5?
nope.. but i could.. hehx

Do you think 2 has a crush on you?
hahaa.. i dunnno... he has a gf... hmmm....

Who do you spend the most time with?
eh dunno la.. i dun clock minutes with ppl.. haha

What is the last thing you did with 1?
sing! morning worship! hee...

Have you ever hung out with 2 outside of school?
yeahh..

Have you ever been to 3's house?
no!! when r we going to ur home??

How do you know 4?
cedar!!

Have you ever slept with 5?
hmmmm... do u consider sleeping during classes? haha..

Do you think 6 is sexy?
haaa..... he? hmmm... mayb bah.. always pull his shirt tight tight.. haha..

Have you ever liked 7?
hmmm... as the chatty junior.. yea.

Where is the last place you went with 8?
bugis! where we waited super long for our dinner.. haha

Are you real close to 9?
omg! hell yeah!!!

What kind of relationship do you have with 10?
angel mortal! haha..

Would you ever kiss 11?
hahaa... mayb? haha...

Have you ever been to the movies with 12?
like yes like no.. i not very sure.. cant remb..

Have you ever gotton in trouble with 13?
dun think so...

Would you ever make a move on 14?
erhhh.. i doubt i would... mayb if i became les?

What do you and 15 talk about the most.?
yv?

..end..

omg.. doing this makes me feel guilty of not writing testimonials for ppl.. ahhaha... got so lil.. hmmm.. n the 15th one is like gonna b a year ago...

so ppl write testimonials for me!! i'll return testimonials! haha..