some time ago,

my heart raced.

my heart skipped a beat,

many beats in fact.

you gave me a shock.

the sudden action.

you held my hand.

you held my hand.

no, you held my hand.

now why is that different?

it is different from others.

you held my hand.

i stared.

i stared at our hands.

i stared at you.

i repeated the actions.

i froze.

my heart raced.

my mind raced.

my mind went blank.

"so that's how it feels"

i thought.

"that's my first time"

"isn't it?"

"but no, that is strange"

"there's nothing."

"no feelings"

"it is the act of it"

strange huh.

the act.

just the act of it.

i wonder why.

i wonder if you knew.

i wonder if it was planned.

i wonder if it was so as you said.

i was scared.

it made me more scared.

but yes, reassuring too.

how strange.

till today i cannot comprehend it.

nothing changed.

but in that moment in time.

my heart leaped.

today i wish.

i wish something like that happens.

not you.

but the act.

it is strange.

i'd like to ask.

but i'm afraid.

afraid of the answer.

afraid of a miscommunication.

afraid of the consequences.

afraid of reality.

i want to know if you feel this way too.

or is that just me?

or i haven't realised

the actuality of the situation.