y cant anyone understand i aint in a v good mood today?
cant u see im juz throwing tantrums n venting anger n getting agitated / irritated like super easily?
cant u see im like pms-ing [tho i dont like 99.99% of the time]?

it sucks totally.
im a horrible girl.
flaring up at juz bout anyone who tries to talk to me.
hate it la.
sigggh.
now stay away for safety reasons.
n also so that i wun hurt after dat.

i muz go to bed now b4 anything else happens...
but the situation doesnt allow me to do so...
sigh

it seems like 3 isnt enuff huh.

bcoz i cant anyhow vent my anger on anyone..
bcoz i cant randomly scream/shout..
bcoz i dunno y im getting irritated at everything now..

esp when i need to know how to get to places n streetdirectory has to fail me like dunno how long liao... n sbs doesnt provide map coz its relying on streetdirectory... finding directions is killing me. together w the other things that happened.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

dats y blogs r good.
*heaves*

looking forward

looking forward
towards the future
i take a deep breath
n i smell sweetness in the air

peace n joy
after the rain
i smile to myself
n think God loves me, He has a plan

nonetheless
excited, nervous
what the future
brings to me, has installed for me

cant believe
ive got an interview
upcoming in a week
i can do it thru God's power n love

"dum da da dum
dum da da dum
dum da da dum
dum da da dum"

*hums to self*

ahhahaa...

i guess only cx will understand what all those above i about eh? lol!

anywayyy... today has been a wonderful day!

other than the fact that almost all the guys i know r in ns now...
n im sad coz there'll b lesser ppl to chat to me online.

but other than that....
i sent my couz to tekong w my couz!
whee!
how fun!
hahaha...
right couz?

well.. it seemed to me like i was the one going to ns for a moment or 2..
coz i kept saying hi to like guys going for ns. LOL!
n the one going to ns.. well.. he saw 1 friend. yup.
i met 1 vj classmate, 1 sa classmate, 1 pri sch fren, 1 vj ogmate
how fun was that.
oh then funnest part was...
"tsy... dat one ur mum ar? then the 2 girls? [referring to my couz n me..]
u guess leh?
1 ur gf. 1 ur sis"
wahahahahaa.
totally fun.
then we hugged our dear couz.
n waved happy goodbyes as we left "bintan"
it really looked like it at the jetty at least. hahaha..

then went for tution w cx.
1.5h of amaths.
supposedly
became 4h of amaths?
fascinating.
n piano performance.
n me desperately trying not to b a clown beside the pro.
right?
haha..

well im really happy today.
had fun.
tuition rocks.
now i wonder which other person will agree w me on that.

but well... its the start...
so as time goes by.. n we draw near it..
JIAYOU! alright tutee??
wo hui zhi chi ni de!

i dont know whats wrong with me now..
juz feel so tired. so wired up. so tied up. bundled up. wrenched. strangled. n juz pure tiredness.

issit juz me coz soon its the time of month...
or really.. i need to TAKE A BREAK. not juz kitkat. or even my yogurt. can comfort me now.
i feel real emo. really really really down.

its like everything is drained out of me. pulled out of me. sucked out of me.
rushing from place to place. here to there. there to here. doing this for company. for aha. for cc. for 1 5 4 1 1. for him her whoever.
but not myself.

i feel like crying.
but no.

i feel like screaming.
but no.

i feel like shouting. no.
feel like running. no.
cycling. no.
rah-ing. no.

finished the day's work.
walking home.
plugging in.
i stare.
feel frustrated. tired. confused. troubled.
nothing i felt this morn.
gladness of the morning.
buried by thoughts. troubles. problems. confusion. tiredness.
i wonder y.
pushing my hair back.
i breathe in. n then out.
closing my eyes.
holding my breath..
i walk on.
heaving out.
walking on.
wonders thinks ponders.

heavy laden.
nothing seemed right today.
wrong.
the C in me objects. rejects. cant stand it.
all wrong.

what am i doing in my life?

i wonder...
y do i do this?

rushing off.
busying myself.

what bout me?
i didnt leave myself time for myself.
i need to zi bi.
give myself time.
be alone.
quieten my heart. my soul. my spirit.
talk to my inner self. listen to Him n myself.
its supposed to b 0% myself n 100% Him.
but its 0% myself 0% Him 99.99% others 0.01% dunno what.

troubled by it.
by myself.
where m i?
lost in the midst of what? i don't know.

i think. i ponder. i feel...
i calm myself down..
but theres still work waiting for me.
n then the routine starts over...

i shd finish up everything..
n then take a break. away from everyone.
towards me myself i n God.