i dont know whats wrong with me now..
juz feel so tired. so wired up. so tied up. bundled up. wrenched. strangled. n juz pure tiredness.

issit juz me coz soon its the time of month...
or really.. i need to TAKE A BREAK. not juz kitkat. or even my yogurt. can comfort me now.
i feel real emo. really really really down.

its like everything is drained out of me. pulled out of me. sucked out of me.
rushing from place to place. here to there. there to here. doing this for company. for aha. for cc. for 1 5 4 1 1. for him her whoever.
but not myself.

i feel like crying.
but no.

i feel like screaming.
but no.

i feel like shouting. no.
feel like running. no.
cycling. no.
rah-ing. no.

finished the day's work.
walking home.
plugging in.
i stare.
feel frustrated. tired. confused. troubled.
nothing i felt this morn.
gladness of the morning.
buried by thoughts. troubles. problems. confusion. tiredness.
i wonder y.
pushing my hair back.
i breathe in. n then out.
closing my eyes.
holding my breath..
i walk on.
heaving out.
walking on.
wonders thinks ponders.

heavy laden.
nothing seemed right today.
wrong.
the C in me objects. rejects. cant stand it.
all wrong.

what am i doing in my life?

i wonder...
y do i do this?

rushing off.
busying myself.

what bout me?
i didnt leave myself time for myself.
i need to zi bi.
give myself time.
be alone.
quieten my heart. my soul. my spirit.
talk to my inner self. listen to Him n myself.
its supposed to b 0% myself n 100% Him.
but its 0% myself 0% Him 99.99% others 0.01% dunno what.

troubled by it.
by myself.
where m i?
lost in the midst of what? i don't know.

i think. i ponder. i feel...
i calm myself down..
but theres still work waiting for me.
n then the routine starts over...

i shd finish up everything..
n then take a break. away from everyone.
towards me myself i n God.