sth really unexpected happened today.
stunned when i heard it.
total disbelief.
thot i heard wrongly.
but no i did not.
thot i heard her say 'think so'.
mayb she did. mayb not.
but the fact still lies the same.
dunno wad to say. dunno wad to reply to the person on the phone.
was rushing off to school.
THANK GOD i was.
didnt know wad to say then.

on the way..
thots kept flooding.
remb i said i'll call back. so i did.
reconfirmed. still the same.
still in shock.

wanted to talk to someone.
thot bout work.
school. n tuition after that.
tmr school n tuition too.
decided to msg. coz i didnt think i could say it out.
thot bout who. decided on someone not working.
didnt wanna disrupt their work.
tried to msg the fact...
but got stuck on it.
couldnt bear to finish the sentence..
n decided on a vague one.
got a reply said we could talk.
talk is good i thot... i need someone to perk me up..
coz i need to teach still.
tried to say. kinda broke it out. all so quickly.
choked on wad i said.
total lost for words.
same to the listener.
awkward silences as i fought the thot, the tears away.
i know there were ppl all around looking at my weird behaviour.
couldnt b bothered. coz all i could think of was wad happened not too long ago.
ended the call which we didnt say anything much.

mrt ride. bus ride. walk.
things seemed to go by.. with my frozen daze.
lesson started.
i went on smoothly. occupying my mind with wad i had to say to the kids.
everthing seemed fine.
coz my mind was filled with how to explain. what next.

lesson ended.
there was i again. closing myself up.
sitting in a daze. going about in a daze. on the bus. not talking. staring.
my heart heavy. laden. stoned.
felt nothing.
then pain.
n tears.
but i stopped it.
n stared somemore.

tuition.
was great.
she juz brought smiles to the day again.
her adorable cute smile.
adorable counting. trying. pouting. smiling. laughing. talk.
it juz made my day.
tho while waiting for her answers...
things did prick my mind...
but i made up my mind. with the Lord's strength n power. i'll put my heart into teaching her.
coz it juz brought joy to me. laughter. and smiles to my face.

ending tuition was kinda sad.
coz i needed her innocence. plus cheer. to keep me in a right state of mind.
but of coz. that would not last.

bus ride home.
long quiet lonely. solemn.

Thank God.
He got it all planned for me somehow.
school cancelled tmr.
same for tuition.
amazing or coincidence. u decide.
i say His plan.
He knows my heart. my thoughts. my prayers.
He heard me. n will continue to do so.
THANK YOU LORD.

altho i dunno y this happened.
wish it never did.
but there are no undos in life.


planned to post about so many other stuff.. but guess its all so different right now.