i've got a personal mission. i feel encouraged.

but other than that...
i've got my 2nd thots of tuition.
AHHH! how could that be??

emo emo emo.
after tuition today.

of coz i love giving tuition.
of coz i enjoy having tuition.
of coz i love my tutees.
of coz i wanna give them tuition.

then why the 2nd thots?
why the sadness? sorrow? confusion?

"school is starting right?" [mum of student]
"yeah. n when sch starts i cant teach u anymore."
*looks abit shocked*
"oh. the coordinator will help u find another tutor. dun worry"
"huh. but she likes u"
*abit taken aback*
"u sure u cant continue?"

i saw the sadness in her eyes.
the disappointment.

AHH.
y muz it b this way?

while it makes me glad that im loved.
it sent a piercing stab into my heart.
im leaving them. abandoning them?
man. it hurts.
its not time yet...

but still...

when the time comes.
how???
n it'll b one after the other.
all at 1 go.
can i leave them juz like that?

God. wont u teach me?
to not get so emotionally attached?
to not b so loving?

hahx. now that sounds quite retarded.

but well.
i cant have the best of both worlds right?
life is full of choices.
and... theres that chinese saying...
shi shang wu bu san zi yan xi.

Lord. [for real now. haha..]
teach me.
how.
how to make decisions.
how to accept things.
how to not feel so bitter inside.
i pray that for those i cant continue coz of distance n time...
that they'll get much better tutors than me.
who can help them improve.
plus be a friend to them at the same time.

u'll definitely always be in my heart. in my prayers.

my blog is dying. haha. high time i blogged..

well.. mayb ive been getting too tied down with work. sch life. the boring mudane life im so tired of.. really tired.. pls bring me revival!

well last week.. was a bz week? piles of work now? or mayb coz im doing tutorials? haha.. well.. im more hardworking this year la.. so spend lots of time doing sch work? hmmmm...

sfc on wed was orientation! had lots of fun meeting juniors, remembering names, playing games, eating pizza! lol.. sfc on fri was some personality test thing n i found out im a grape! "we gather in bunches!" lol.. the people people.. more than half? of sfc r grapes.. n we had to split into 2 groups.. n there were only 3 oranges? ahha.. poor them..

sat went to unsw asia open house with tsh! ^^ so nice to c her.. the open house wasnt that fantastic.. not many ppl there.. n i pity the 987 djs there.. talking to almost themselves? learnt bout the unsw asia.. wad their strengths r.. the system, sch fees, the foundation year.. the one which alot of ppl go after Os to aust for.. so next time lesser ppl will fly overseas? coz they can do that here? i thot dat was good lo.. n the most interesting one was bout the "exchange programme" they had.. after 1 year in the sg campus.. u can go over to sydney to have 1 or 2 sem in that campus.. so it was quite nice.. but i wun b going there la... dun have the course i want..

sun went mugging with tke. n his frens.. kinda weird.. coz he didnt intro us till like i dunno how long later.. ahhaa..

tues i went mugging with tke again.. n he told me in advance he'll b in formal wear.. i was like.. okay.. can.. i thot.. hmm shirt n pants.. ok. so i was in macs studying alone 1st.. then suddenly this guy with white long sleeved shirt n a black formal jacket n pants came over.. i was like.. *shakes head blink eyes* ?!?! wah.. ur formal really formal leh.. hehe... n we studiedd.. nono.. more like.. i studied.. n he played his laptop? nono correction.. his bro's laptop.. hahaa..

yest's pe was the best i had the whole of this year.. yay! match against 06a05. floorball.. 1st time our class played.. we lost. but we had fun.. n anyway they had pro hockey players.. hehe..
had sfc n we did more interaction... some weird question card thingy.. n my 1st card was.. i wish to marry someone who is... i was like.. no!!!! 2nd card my biggest lie was.. i really cannot remb!!!! mayb i dun wish to.. ahha.. n the 3rd was i cant remb wad.. but anyway that card thingy abit morbid.. alot of die die die.. n negative things.. wonder who made them.. hmm.. n we had this lesson from the book - the book of james..

today after sch we did the sfc board.. was quite ahh! at 1st.. haha.. discussing with the mentors n other sfc ppl.. but it turned out nice in the end! outstanding.. can c from the opposite.. at the staff room side.. so big n clear! whee... n sth weird happened.. hmmm..

kk dats the rounded up bout the past week which made me dying now.. lack of rest, overload of work or sth..

money issues r giving me a headache. ive collected so much class fund n paid for so many things. driving me crazy... dun even dare to collect money from the class now.. i pray that God will give me wisdom on how to collect the money from the class.. n that the class will b understanding..

i also wanna pray for strength to carry on each day cheerful n glorify Your name.. n forget certain things..

n i really wanna thank God for my good results for the tests the weeks b4.. ^^ n juz protecting me each day..

the rest of my packed week.

bahhhhhh.. i juz realised.. SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG WITH MY INTERNET EXPLORER!!! i cant c new posts on blogs! even my own!!! helppp.. i c like lagging posts. of 7 july. bahhh.. n i thot y aint noone updating. how great ar...... someone who noes how to solve this prob TAG ME!!!

okay. its frustrating me.. n now i feel so laggy. bahh.. i feel unconnected to my frens who r out of reach in my daily sch life now!! bahhhh.. oh well.. i muz thank God dat i still have all ur no. so i can call u all up if i feel laggy.. n dat my bro got firefox!! it was to actually solve the prob of unable to log into frenster.. now. erh to c the UPDATED posts. great.. n im too used to IE.

anyway.. as i have said.. im packed.. im so glad its kinda all over.. phew.. so yes. wed wad did i have.. ohh.. yes.. sfc. it was so fun.. i mean we had a extremely meaningful ministry time.. n interacting with my dearest cell group.. it was great.

thurs.. supposedly end late.. but im so glad for the awarded half day.. coz of gold for rugby n bowling boys. was supposed to do after sch.. service learning aka fund raising aka selling of mai ya tang n marshmellow with choc syrup n handphone straps for children's society.. but luckily there was half day.. n my teacher was not in sch.. so yup.. sold the stuff during sch time.. managed to like drag all the sfc ppl to buy from us.. yay! they rock. haha.. seriously.. i think my cca ppl r juz so nice!!! they so willingly buy from us the food..

oh n the great thing bout the half day was i went home to rest myself.. all tired out.. n im tired out once again today.. anyway.. i was having this SORE SORE throat.. but my voice was fine.. n then when i reached home.. i was so tired.. n fell asleep.. woke up n. omg! i have a fever!!!!! i was like ahhhhh.. y at this point of time?!??!!?! n it was like 38 degrees celcius la.. i was like.. NOOOOOOO.. i wanna go sch tmr. [y the sudden enthu-ness u'll noe later] anyway.. there was like nth i could do.. except PRAY. n so i did.. n i guess mchlchin did pray for me too.. coz i msg her i got fever. hehx. oh n i hated pills.. coz i duno how to swallow. hee. till this age n time. hahaa.. n miraculously i was HEALED in the name of JESUS! yay. love Him to bits n pieces.

fri. oh yes i did go to sch.. it was RHD. man. this were the times i really extremely missed cedar.. all the fun we had.. how we would go mad. cam-whore-ing as wad wyt n anl would say.. n how the teachers wouldnt bear to have lessons.. ahha... n then we juz enjoy the sch day with fun n joy. running ard sch in our beautiful ethnic costumes trying our best to not trip n fall in the heels.. or coz of the extra weight n length of the ethnic costumes. taking all the crazy weird pics with frens class n teachers! oh well.. i muz say the concert was not bad.. with the jokes dat reminded me of wad we did on wed. [i didnt mention! haha.. we played games after all the serious stuff.. n there was forfeit. to go up to joel n ask for his no. n tim1 suggested dat billy had to say to him.. my name is jin wan but u can call me tonite! lol.] the rest of the concert was ok la..

after sch went down to spd for my final attachment.. taught them boccia in prep for today.. lol. so last min.. but hey. they did well la.. so it was rather sad.. the last time.. but i muz say.. i dun feel dat kinda attachment to them as i did to the old folks the other time..

then rush back to sch for j2s farewell!!!! omg so sad.. though i aint very close to them.. but i'll miss them.. they were such nice sweet loving caring [insert any nice descriptive word. haa] seniors! helped to deco the place with the balloons.. n then we welcomed them in.. in our 'grand' manner.. haha.. n when we entered they cheered for us too.. so cute la. lol. then we ate our dinner.. n we served the j2s n teachers n mentors. food utencils napkins drinks dessert. wahhaa.. we r nice juniors. =)
then we had praise n worship.. so peaceful... only the sounds of our singing in the quiet evening..
n our surprise! [we tricked them into thinking there was water games by asking them to bring extra set of clothes] lol. it was juz we washing their feets.. juz like wad JC did. it was supposedly only j1 was j2. in the end.. they did dat to us too.. felt kinda paiseh. but. hey. our seniors r such wonderful ppl.. they wun let us do it 1 way. it was 2 ways.. n of coz the teachers were included..
after dat was juz giving out their pressie.. n clearing up.. n us enjoying the fun of taking photos! lol.

today. oh great! how bz. but its so heart warming.. so anyway.. went down to sp.. n then morn was kinda slack for sjy n me.. coz beneficiaries not there yet.. but after dat was juz hectic. running ard.. i shall spare u the details.. n summarize it.. basically once they came.. bahhh! had to bring them ard.. get the right size for their clothes. get their food. some had to b fed. then some time to enjoy the 'open' ceremony [there was already a mini concert b4 dat with cheeyang performing. argh. after hearing from com. felt frustrated for them] anyway. the ceremony we gave the beneficiaries medals!!! oh my!!! so nice! i also want!! oh well.. wad to do.. anyway.. then was the boccia game... which was a bit luan at 1st.. but it was a success. then bring them ard the stalls.. but nth much.. n the stalls mostly 'closed' le. as in the ppl also not welcoming u there.. was juz tired faces.. they could have smiled. but well.. i cant do anything bout it.. i remb last year lauch we managed to have a smile on till the end.. its not up to me anyway. so yes.. then finally they went back.. so relieving.. phew.. i could c they kinda enjoyed.. so yay.
then time for ourselves.. but sadly.. the stalls ar.. wah.. all close le.. then nth much.. n the pizza fuss. didnt wanna sell to us. hurmph. wadeva it is la.. then we tried to use up the coupons.. decided aiya. wadeva la.. then sat down n juz chatted... lol. then lsr n sjy had to go.. we took our goodie bag filled with lime mag, shampoo n condition, bear, handphone cleaner. n i went off to join krnlim n avnn. managed to buy a ring! used up my 2 coupons for it.. haha.

after packing up krnlim's stall.. we went off for dinner.. at city hall ljs. n i felt my aching legs give way.. n the train didnt help by being so filled! n erm.. krnlim n me were like so dirty la.. im sure we were so stinky.. hee.. we sweated so much! sp is so hot.. no ventilation.. or mayb it was juz hot today.. oh n my expression after i left sp was juz tired written all over. lol. seriously i didnt really sit down at all la.. so glad i sat down in ljs. oh n avnn met her fren n i met melckm there.. so chiao.

so dat was my week for u. i think u reading it would feel tired too... lol. its so lengthy! haha.. congrats to those who made it here..

pw gpp muz not give up!

arghhhhh.... wanna die liao le lah. gpp -gone project ppl.

no one to help me! wth. u think wad. hero ar. i 1 person do do do.. okay not really 1 person but.. feels like so la. at least now. argh............................................................

then no one online to at least give pointers n stuff.. luckily got my dearest mchlc to help me.. or i think i tonite no need sleep.. juz go sch.

feel like giving up la.. haix. y m i doing so much? i also not group leader... then the guys also heck care anything wadeva. cant b bothered liao la.



finally after much whinning n complaining to myself n mchlc.. n also praying for ppl to come online.. 2 ppl came! oh yay. hope i can finally get things done n rest. esp dat irritating timeframe thingy.

oh well i'll continue to pray dat our group would progress! yay.

posting... for now only.. i hope...

yeah... so today was the posting results... yup.. n as i said b4... i'll say again......

its confirmed.. im posted to sa..

so all those vj ppl who hate me.. congrats! haha.. wadeva.. n those who love me.. sorryyy.... i didnt get thru.. haixx.. BUT!! im appealing!! yayy.. haha.. i will prayyyyyyy super hard.. to get back in... so for now.. as in till mon.. miss me okay??

yeahh.. so i went to appeal early in the morn.. bout gonna 10 like dat.. then as i walked out of home.. haha.. saw my neighbour running.. training bahh.. haa.. funny la.. appealing too.. shall pray for him.. haa..

reach sch.. omg.. quite scary la.. coz is like keep seeing ppl walking out of sch liao! n then in sch alot of ppl appealing too.. hopes super low.. but.. i'll continue praying still haha.. mrharcg was really nice.. gp teacher too.. help me write the comments stuff.. hehx..

alritexx.. i shall juz look forward to a brand new sch compound on mon then! yay.. new building.. newfacilities.. new frens! yay..

still praying damn hard to stay in vj.

damn. so i was the butt of most of the jokes amongst my dearest/closest classmates..

arrggghhh.

nvm i might be leaving.. so im left with 3 days.. i shall look on the brigher side.. i will enjoy the 3 days n ignore the fact dat im still sad. ahha rubbish..

so heres sth really interesting dat happened other than the right on top which i WILL NOT elaborate.. haha..
yes.. n so i saw someone today.. n said hi! n exchanged a few words.. then.. after dat.. hst.. went aye... u noe him ar? how u noe him? i was like.. ar? oh.. hes my.......... then she was like.. oh really.. i think hes quite cute lehx.. hahaha... alrites.. so i can conclude.. he is quite cute. hehx. i mean shes not the 1st one to say dat la. so hmmmmm...

continue to pray dat i can stay in vj!!! ahhhh.............. yeah.. cos i still want to stay in vj though...................... yes. u ppl. ahhaa..