i've got a personal mission. i feel encouraged.

but other than that...
i've got my 2nd thots of tuition.
AHHH! how could that be??

emo emo emo.
after tuition today.

of coz i love giving tuition.
of coz i enjoy having tuition.
of coz i love my tutees.
of coz i wanna give them tuition.

then why the 2nd thots?
why the sadness? sorrow? confusion?

"school is starting right?" [mum of student]
"yeah. n when sch starts i cant teach u anymore."
*looks abit shocked*
"oh. the coordinator will help u find another tutor. dun worry"
"huh. but she likes u"
*abit taken aback*
"u sure u cant continue?"

i saw the sadness in her eyes.
the disappointment.

AHH.
y muz it b this way?

while it makes me glad that im loved.
it sent a piercing stab into my heart.
im leaving them. abandoning them?
man. it hurts.
its not time yet...

but still...

when the time comes.
how???
n it'll b one after the other.
all at 1 go.
can i leave them juz like that?

God. wont u teach me?
to not get so emotionally attached?
to not b so loving?

hahx. now that sounds quite retarded.

but well.
i cant have the best of both worlds right?
life is full of choices.
and... theres that chinese saying...
shi shang wu bu san zi yan xi.

Lord. [for real now. haha..]
teach me.
how.
how to make decisions.
how to accept things.
how to not feel so bitter inside.
i pray that for those i cant continue coz of distance n time...
that they'll get much better tutors than me.
who can help them improve.
plus be a friend to them at the same time.

u'll definitely always be in my heart. in my prayers.