some time ago,

my heart raced.

my heart skipped a beat,

many beats in fact.

you gave me a shock.

the sudden action.

you held my hand.

you held my hand.

no, you held my hand.

now why is that different?

it is different from others.

you held my hand.

i stared.

i stared at our hands.

i stared at you.

i repeated the actions.

i froze.

my heart raced.

my mind raced.

my mind went blank.

"so that's how it feels"

i thought.

"that's my first time"

"isn't it?"

"but no, that is strange"

"there's nothing."

"no feelings"

"it is the act of it"

strange huh.

the act.

just the act of it.

i wonder why.

i wonder if you knew.

i wonder if it was planned.

i wonder if it was so as you said.

i was scared.

it made me more scared.

but yes, reassuring too.

how strange.

till today i cannot comprehend it.

nothing changed.

but in that moment in time.

my heart leaped.

today i wish.

i wish something like that happens.

not you.

but the act.

it is strange.

i'd like to ask.

but i'm afraid.

afraid of the answer.

afraid of a miscommunication.

afraid of the consequences.

afraid of reality.

i want to know if you feel this way too.

or is that just me?

or i haven't realised

the actuality of the situation.

space.

space can mean many things really.

outer space.

breathing space.

matter takes up space.

architectural space.

writing space.

...

the list goes on.

sometimes i think and i wonder.

sometimes i long for things i don't have.

not so much of physical things, material things.

but the emotional kind.

i wonder really.

if such emotions are real.

whether i'm not the only one.

it's the kind of yearning for something that you know you don't get or won't get because of really simple obvious reasons.

and the yearning results in a deep sadness because such things just happen. you can't just go get it when you want it.

well.. i guess you can get it if you want... but that's not the sort i want. neither am i that sort.

i long for a touch.

i long for a hug.

i long for your time.

hello.

feels strange

kinda odd.

its been really long.

i need a space.

a space. not a 3d one.

maybe a 2d one.

virtual.. possibly.

i miss writing.

but theres no time?

i need better management definitely..

ok. i ought to do this.

i've been making random unwritten ones..

purely in the mind.. which often get lost in the busy-ness.

yes yes i know. its already february. but that shouldn't be a deciding factor.

so here goes..

in 2010. I WANT TO..

..walk closer with God, rely on Him, Believe in Him, have FAITH, be disciplined and make daily devotions and prayers a habit. i want to make time for Him.

..be self disciplined. no loitering around doing nothing. no facebooking. max 30min. no stoning/slacking/not doing anything productive.

..be focussed. do what ought to be done systematically.

..have better time management. keeping to the timings. be punctual. not be last minute.

..protect body. sleep. rest. care for my health and not neglect it. especially my eye. sleep. rest. i cannot stress the importance because my body is the temple of God.

..keep a healthy lifestyle. have a healthier weight. exercise.

2010.21st.2ndyear.2010.