aiiiii.
yest was a weird but happy day.


weird because you popped up.
how come?
i dont know.
you never fail to ruin my day.
or maybe...
i just think too much.
but then again...
the fact that you appeared in my thoughts,
the fact that i still get all sour because of it,
i really cant stand it.
why did you ever ever ever do this to me?
you really ought to vanish from my life.
because you never fail to jumble up my feelings..
again and again.




boy you make me so mad.
never again. i will not. i will not. i will not.
i'd like to lie to myself and believe in it.

oh plus i had a freaky weird dream the night before.
wonder why i've been dreaming so much lately.
hmm.. probably stressed.
so tired.

happy because of you.
you never fail to put a smile on my face.
sweet.

happy because of wedges.
wedges. the kind in that 50cents packet in my school not that long ago.
ohhh. the memories.
bliss.

its so earrrrllllyy.
n i wonder y im awake.

pf is boring.
cant stand it.

gek was better.
its over. (=

1 down!

after pf..
still got ar

i wonder how'd that'll be.




lately..
its been nice.

i wonder why.
i wonder how.

how could it be.
how could it be this way.

days go by...

you changed my
perception of things.

days go by.
i wonder why.

i want to go shopping

i want to go shopping.
its been like this since i dunno when.
when sch started?
mayb mid term.
i've been for random sprees in between.
i've bought stuff. [i cant believe it.]

gosh. my craving for shopping doesnt seem to curb. ahhaha.

I WANT TO GO SHOPPING!

sales everywhere.
christmas is coming.

exams for non uni students all ended / ending.
they can go shopping.

exams r here for me.
why why why.

lets go shopping.




to solve this. online shopping.
look. see. look. see. hahaha...


reminds me of my friend's tee:
"when the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping!"
heehee..

final crit was over yest! yays. happy. 1 down. plus more rest. yays.

BUT.

bad news for me.
bad bad bad.

i found out on sunday that theres a possibility theres a best friend who knows it.
so yest. i asked. n there u go. [of coz w convincing done... i managed to dig some info out n confirm]
n i thought. YAYS. 1 guessing problem out of the way.
juz need to b natural. pretend nth. dont give wrong signs.
n ask him to help me dissuade him.
happiness. somewhat. that i could possibly have no more such probs.
or at least... a reduced form of it.


BUT NO! [if not this post wouldnt b here right. hahaa.]

presentation time...
panel said he shd b more bold in his work.
i heard that. i was like. hmm. ok. n also.. i was slightly worried.. will he b applying it... on not juz work?
i thot. nahh. cant be. he doesnt seem to b that kinda person.
so i ignored.



today.
received a msg asking how i was.
ok fine.
then he asked... if i wanted to watch a movie.
stunned. then said no.
he said mayb weekend.
im like... nooooo...................................................
ok. juz leave it as that...

online.
decided to seek help from the friend.
found out an unwanted truth.
"he decided to be bolder in his approach n towards u"
now. THAT is SCARY.
n judging from what is happening now.
i see... EVERYTHING FALLING INTO PLACE.
im afraid. very afraid.
if he pushes too hard.. i'll break n fall n cry.
i cant take such. esp after...
its freaky.

oh Lord, i pray that i can let go. n he'll let go of this.

online.
he asks if i'd like to go for lunch some place else tmr.
didnt say no. but juz left it as we'll see.

i dont know what to do.
all i know is.. he'll say it definitely.
i'll have to say so sooner or later.
i need to clarify.
BUT I REALLY CANNOT DO SUCH THINGS.
i feel really really evil n guilty.
its so horrible.
tell cannot. dont tell also cannot.
pls let it pause.
lets concentrate on our exams.

u'll make me cry.

they say its good to b loved.
i beg to differ.
to love n b loved...

its nice if its 2way.
1sided is tragic.

i love u. but not that way.
i show u care. but not coz of that.
i treat u nice. but i treat everyone the same.



Lord.
i pray for guidance.
for wisdom.
i know u cannot change human will.
but u can guide us.
u can guide me.
u r the potter. i m the clay.
my life is in ur hands.
strengthen me.
teach me.
things will work out.
amen.